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Love; we all need love in this world,
But God, how do we tell if it's just lust for a girl?
The devil has my mind in a twirl,
Lord, do you feel what I feel?
Can you heal this sick appeal?

You always stop, you try to stop,
But you get addicted.
And when you think you've made on top,
That's when you drop,
It's back to hell; back to reality,
Can't you tell you're a monster loving lustfully?
Once you're done, there's nothing left but emptiness,
Where's this happiness that the media promised?

If only you knew it was a lie, all lie,
There's no love truer than the one in sky.
But why, why do I give in to the lies?
My heart and my mind are at different parts of life,
So God, I pray for that day you come a take my pain away.
A reflection.
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:iconhelixhartgrove:
Critique by HelixHartgrove Jul 17, 2012, 1:44:20 PM
I like the type of setup you wrote here. Plus the nod to speaking to God provides a lot of insight to the narrator, or maybe it's just free talking space. Either way, it's pretty agreeable that the writing in here is so far excellent and could use a little actions or something similar to the nature. You could try different styles that make it more understandable for those who don't comprehend. But I like what you wrote in all of this. I pretty much like all that you wrote! So to make a long story short, all four stars.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
6 out of 6 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconindhel9957:
I know I have already commented but just the potentual that this piece could become a DD is so close I an just see it there. This piece related to me in a VERY personal way and as a writer that is how you grip the reader. The writer did a very good job at holding the readers attention and I have seen the number of veiws go up and up. I've been reading this over and over, not being able to get over the fact how good it is! The last line is what made me favorite and critique, or more PRAISE this work. This is an amazing piece and I plan to share it, and that is what makes good art.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
4 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

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:iconnicolawingeddeity:
NicolaWingedDeity Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
God Can, keep praying because He can.
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:icondylanseto:
DylanSeto Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2012  Student Artist
^^ Thanks for the encourement~
Reply
:iconnicolawingeddeity:
NicolaWingedDeity Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Always :hug:
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:iconwithwords:
WithWords Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012
Such an interesting reflection... love v lust...
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:icondylanseto:
DylanSeto Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012  Student Artist
Thanks xP
Reply
:iconwithwords:
WithWords Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012
That was such a rubbish comment I gave you. I'll try again.

I love your rhymes, especially 'twirl'. I find this word expresses a lot of sentiments (confusion, flirtatiousness, twisted things, dizziness) - I feel the same way at times, when trying to analyse my own intentions and motives. There is normally more than one side to everything, there always seems to be a risk and it's impossible to tell yourself what you were really thinking. It just isn't possible to judge yourself sincerely and fairly.

Still, if you are speaking from your own perspective - I think you are being too harsh on yourself. People were made this way - to lust, to mate, to carry on producing offspring. That's what I think anyway - I hope it doesn't offend you. We were made with temptations all around us, (the media is a massive one, I'm glad you mention it) so you can't help thinking about things that are wrong. But your challenge is to resist acting on them.

My favourite line: 'There's no love truer than the one in the sky.' It's so powerful.

(:
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:icondylanseto:
DylanSeto Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2012  Student Artist
lol thanks for the long paragraph xP
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:iconactingdude17:
ActingDude17 Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2012  Student Writer
What an interesting blend of religion and love. Thanks for sharing the piece.
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:icondylanseto:
DylanSeto Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012  Student Artist
I don't really like to call myself religious, but thanks. haha
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:iconbakaharuka:
BakaHaruka Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
If I had read this about a week ago I wouldn't have understood it, but now I've been there I get it and it's all true, this is a really good poem
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:icondylanseto:
DylanSeto Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012  Student Artist
Thanks~
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:iconsilence--9:
silence--9 Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I really like this ! :hug:
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:icondylanseto:
DylanSeto Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012  Student Artist
xP I pray you can not only appreciate the poem but take learn from it.
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:iconsilence--9:
silence--9 Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
oh sure lol xD
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:icondylanseto:
DylanSeto Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2012  Student Artist
xP
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:iconita-mi:
Ita-MI Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Everyone falls... just don't hold it against yourself. :)
Let God forgive, and forgive yourself. Your heart will never heal if it isn't free - and there are only lies in holding a grudge against your own mind, and being afraid to move on.

This is a really nice piece~ very lovely. I really enjoyed reading it - and I found it really encouraging.
Reply
:icondylanseto:
DylanSeto Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012  Student Artist
Thanks for the encouragement ^.^ :hug:
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:iconita-mi:
Ita-MI Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
^^ anytime~
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:iconindhel9957:
indhel9957 Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2012  Student Writer
I love this! I just came out of a LONG relationship where he was a very lustful person, but refused to leave it behind but proceded to tell me the lie of change. I lost all hope for men, and even humanity! But then today I asked God to show me something to have the least bit of hope and look what I found!

I do not know why but this reminded me of what I wanted my ex to be but he refused to move away from it all. Thank you for restoring my hope. :) You have a real gift and I hope to see more from you, from one writer to another. Your last line touched me and is the thing that made me hit that Favorite button. God is Love and he exudes the strongest of it all.

Again good job haha sorry for my rambleing :blush:
Reply
:icondylanseto:
DylanSeto Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012  Student Artist
The fact I can give someone hope means the world to me. I don't mind the rambling haha You're story touched my heart.
Reply
:iconindhel9957:
indhel9957 Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012  Student Writer
Aww :blush: Well thanks for tolerateing my rambling haha and I'm glad to have found this piece. You did an amazing job :hug:
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:icondylanseto:
DylanSeto Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012  Student Artist
Thanks ^^
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:iconjujutsu:
Jujutsu Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I know just how you feel.
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:icondylanseto:
DylanSeto Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012  Student Artist
:|
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:iconapple5eater:
apple5eater Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2012
so nice i love it.
Reply
:icondylanseto:
DylanSeto Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2012  Student Artist
I hope you read this and hopefully learned something from it.
Reply
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